Let Your Love Overflow... But First Fill Your Own Cup!
We all fundamentally need to feel loved, cared for and worthy of belonging. And at times, we have all struggled with feeling worthless, empty, rejected, insecure and lonely.
The solution we were taught to get rid of all these icky-painful-empty feelings was to find our one true love. The one who will rescue us, heal our wounds and make us feel complete. And then we can live happily ever after. Right?
Not quite. This fantasy places the weight of our emotional wellbeing completely in the hands of another. We become needy, attached, and dependent. We fear losing our partner as we will risk falling back into our pit of emptiness without them. This setup places an impossible load on our partners and is unsustainable.
Instead of depending on someone else, we need to be our own No.1. Whether or not we’re in a relationship, we must find the love we so desperately crave in ourselves.
To love ourselves, we need to first tend to our pain, shame and fears, and give ourselves the acceptance, care and attention we seek. We need to be our own caretaker. I’m not talking about running a bubble bath every night (though that’s also great!). I mean doing deep, self-work, which supported in the presence of a compassionate therapist.
From this place of inner security, we are able to meet others with a deeper and more sustainable intimacy. We can open our hearts without the sense of desperation and we will be more willing to reveal our vulnerability and receive love others.
Our partner can support and reinforce our self-love without being our primary caretaker.
When our inner world feels full of self-love and acceptance we will find that our love will naturally overflow to the people around us.