Soothing Difficult Emotions

This “Soften, Soothe, Allow” practice is one of my favorite meditations from Kristin Neff and Chris Germer’s Mindful Self-Compassion program. It’s designed to help us work with difficult emotions by offering ourselves physical compassion (softening), emotional compassion (soothing), and mental compassion (allowing). While turning towards our difficult feelings can make them more intense at first, it also helps them pass through us with more ease. However, it’s important to take a break whenever the feelings are too intense. You don’t have to face all your feelings all the time!

It’s worth searching for the “Soften, Soothe, Allow” practice on the Mindful Self-Compassion website where you can also listen to the audio version. But here’s a shortened version:

1. NAME the strongest emotion arising within you as if you were validating for a friend what they are feeling, e.g. “Yes, that’s sadness.”

2. LOCATE where the feeling expresses itself most strongly in your body. E.g. tightness in the shoulders, heaviness in the chest. 

3. SOFTEN into this area in your body. Soften around the edges as if you were applying heat to a sore muscle. Holding these sensations with tenderness, without trying to force them away. Softening...softening...softening

4. SOOTHE your body with a hand over your heart, sensing the warmth and gentle touch of your hand. Offer yourself comforting words that you might say to a friend, such as “I care about you.” Soothing...soothing...soothing

5. ALLOW the discomfort be there, and let the emotions come and go. 

   ALLOW yourself to be as you are without judgement. Allowing...allowing...allowing

At your own pace repeat the stages, “Softening...Soothing...allowing” for as long as you need.

While I recommend trying this out as a formal seated practice when the waters aren’t too rough to build familiarity, ultimately this practice is most useful on-the-go when we need some anchoring during a tough storm. Even just remembering the phrases can be quick reminders for how we can be with ourselves with a bit more kindness.